I need to recommit.
I started working with my trainer about a month ago, and I’ve been going harder at the gym than I normally do, but my eating has been awful lately. I have almost no motivation to pack healthy food and no desire to make better choices. I’m sabotaging myself…and I don’t even know why.
I guess a part of me has lost some of my motivation. I’ve always loved my body, so in the beginning, my journey was more about health than appearance. But my health has improved…a lot. My weight loss was a happy side effect of my healthier lifestyle, but I guess a lot of things have changed since then.
If I were to stop now, I wouldn’t necessarily consider that “quitting.” I don’t really feel like my weight holds me back. But at the end of the day, I know there’s more to be done. I could stand to lose another 40lbs or so. So am I continuing on because I want it? Or because I feel obligated to finish what I started?
I start most of my days with good intentions. Sometimes I even make it through most of my day with good actions. But I always do something to swerve my progress. And I don’t know why it’s harder than it ever was to stay on track.
I’ve tried just making healthy choices without tracking calories or counting macros, but that doesn’t seem to work either. What I want most is to be healthy and strong and fit. Strong takes time, and my gym routines have gotten harder and are challenging me in different ways. I’m getting stronger. Fitness takes time, too. My regular leg workout seemed easier when I did it yesterday, and I’m incorporating more jogging into my cardio and trying to get back to where I was. But confession? I don’t remember the last vegetable I ate. I don’t drink enough water. And maybe the unhealthiest thing of all…is that I’m beating myself up over this.
Maybe this post is it. My re-commitment. To myself. To my health and the only body that I get to live my life in.
I guess I won’t know for sure until I try.